I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
