O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
