Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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