i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
