I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
