I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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