that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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