I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
