It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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