After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
