So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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