my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize