So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
