The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
