i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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