just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
