you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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