Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
