I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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