You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
