He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize