i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
