Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
