I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is classic penis vs brain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
