u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
