Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
