marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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