Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
