I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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