Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
