After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
