so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
