Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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