i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
