wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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