sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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