Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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