She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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