If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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