We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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