Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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