if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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