How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
