i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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