how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
