I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
