i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
