I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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