Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
