she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize