If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
