so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
