Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
