She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
