Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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