Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize