This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everyone says I win the strip club
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize