Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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