wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
