It's Friday. Sex?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think your dad took our porno
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
