you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
