Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
