Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
