he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize